


Walk Thru Fire

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: Angelfire Universe [10]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 16:37:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19407184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: Now that Sam and Al have finally admitted their feelings to each other, they need to find a way to deal with not being able to physically touch.  Will a seemingly quiet leap into the desert be just the thing they need, or is a danger awaiting that will risk everything?  Angelfire universe.  Best read in order, as most of them mention things that happened previously.





	1. Chapter 1

_I would go anywhere, I'd do anything Do what you want me to, you know that I would_ _I want you to know that whenever you need me_ _Wherever you are, no matter how far_ _You know I'll be coming for you...*_

February 30, 1980:

I was somewhere between leaping and dreaming, as if the person I'd leaped into had been sound asleep. It was comfortable, so I went with the feelings. Someone was kissing me softly, easing my body from repose to alertness. A very pleasant way to wake up. I gave myself over to the warm body in my arms. I buried my face into her long dark hair, as faint traces of perfume drifted in to mingle with the sensations taking over.

I dozed afterward, never falling into a deep sleep. Soft snores came from the woman next to me, she'd gone back to sleep right away. I always tried to spend quite time relaxing in the afterglow...well, with someone I loved, anyway. How much afterglow could you have with someone you just met?

No longer in the mood for tossing and turning, I got up and went over to sit by the window. There wasn't much of a view; mostly, I could only make out blackness, with darker shapes looming in the background. I stared out over the barren landscape and turned my mind loose. Al always liked to say I was dangerous when I was thinking. I had a feeling he was right.

Maybe I was just too distracted by the new knowledge I'd gained in the last leap. Loving Al had always been as natural as breathing for me, I guessed it was why the idea of sexual expression took so long to come to fruition. We take the things we're most used to for granted sometimes...even a scientist who knows better... yet they are the very things we need to look at with new vision. The wondrous secrets of the universe are hidden right before our eyes. A person can change his whole destiny with but a slight shift in perception.

Al filled up a space inside me no one else ever had. He'd been a friend, partner, brother and I admit, sometimes a father. He gave me inspiration when I was discouraged, strength when I thought I couldn't go on, an endless supply of support. Probably his worst crime was loving me too much. And that was all _before_ I started leaping. But hey, I wasn't complaining. I never wanted that space in me empty again. If this alone wasn't a good enough reason to decide someone was _the_ one, the past four years sealed our bond.

_My_ worst crime, when gathering the courage to be honest with myself, was needing _him_ too much. The more I needed, the more he gave. Would my need feed on his love until it was gone, or just swallow it whole? The thought scared me a little, so I was sure it crossed Al's mind as well. Probably another reason it took us so long to give the feelings between us free rein.

Was that what defined true love, having the power to destroy each other? I'd loved and lost and gotten over it. Life went on, I laughed and worked and even realized my dreams. It hurt even to the point of scarring me, but it hadn't destroyed me. However, if I lost Al my will to strive would crumble down around me. That spark inside which made me the success I was would fade and die. My reason for pushing toward my goals...my reason for living...I'm in love.

Al?

Dawn was approaching and the shapes before me were taking more form. As increasing light gave more definition to the tableau, I felt a sense of familiarity. Homesickness hit me with sudden force. I kept telling myself one desert looks like another. And 'home' as a word, highly subjective. For instance, to me home was where Al was.

I heard the familiar sound which--most of the time--meant his arrival and turned expectantly. This was the first we'd seen each other since admitting our feelings. I was only slightly nervous, as I wiped suddenly sweaty palms on...the curtain. Oh boy...it seemed I'd neglected to put on a robe.

Al's eyes twinkled warmly. One look at the smile on his face and it was like the sun coming out. All previous thoughts evaporated. I smiled back automatically. "Hi," I heard myself say breathlessly.

"Hi yourself." He pointed a finger at me. "Wipe that mushy look off your face!" he demanded, not meaning it. In fact, he sounded very happy to see it.

Of course it only made my grin that much wider. "Why should I?"

"It's illegal."

"Mushy looks?" I scoffed. "In what state?"

"What's the difference?" he wanted to know.

"Well, if you're talking about New Mexico, you may be there, but _I'm_ not. Therefore, that law doesn't apply to me."

"Hah! Oh yes you are. Mesa, New Mexico."

I glanced out the window. "I thought it looked familiar." The strange feeling was back. There was something otherworldly about this desert. As if _anything_ could happen out there. The perfect place for Project Quantum Leap.

"Will you put some clothes on?!" he begged. "Or I may not be responsible for my actions."

I hastily opened the closet door, found a robe hanging from a hook and slipped into it. The idea that Al, of all people, would find my naked male body distracting was doing quivery things to my insides. To affect someone who was so obviously in lust with the female form was marvelous for the ego. Not to mention that at one time Al had been very uncomfortable with this subject.

He nodded towards the bed. "I see you're keeping busy."

I followed his gaze to the sleeping stranger, then dropped my eyes to the floor. It was crazy, but I'd never felt that kind of embarrassment with Al before. It bordered dangerously close to guilt. Which brought up another whole new topic to deal with. Our relationship wasn't physical...yet. Therefore, fidelity wasn't an issue...yet.

"Sam."

I heard that tone and knew I was in for a lecture. I raised my head sheepishly.

He studied me in silence for a moment. I didn't need words to hear him loud and clear. Like I said, I was getting ahead of things.

"I know..." I sighed.

"Just let me watch next time." Al gave me a lewd wink.

"Al!" I admonished. "You are the most perverted, warped, kinkiest person I've ever met!"

"Yeah. And you fell in love with me," he reminded.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I did." I watched him turn his attention to the handlink.

"Well, Sam, you're--"

"Head over heels." He peeked up at me through his lashes. "Hopelessly." I enjoyed being able to tease him in revenge. "Madly..."

"Sam!" he tried to interrupt, flustered.

"You mean there actually is something that can embarrass you?" I marveled aloud, enjoying myself very much. I was testing my wings, experimenting with the different kinds of reactions I could get out of him. That I could cause. Who was I to him now? What would it be like being not just his best friend, but the person he was in love with? Who was Al Calavicci, the lover?

"There is a leap here."

I had to agree. Sighing, I forced my mind back to the matter at hand. "Okay, who am I this time?"

"Don Sanders. The dish over there is your wife, Kelly. It's February 30, 1980."

"Not doing very well, are they?" I observed, taking in the dingy room.

"Affluence is in the eye of the beholder, Sam. The two of them chose to live out here alone in the middle of nowhere. He lost the sight in his right eye in Vietnam, so he gets a small check from the VA each month. Kelly paints desert scenes and they sell 'em at flea markets and stuff. They seem very happy. He's protective over her, we could barely get his mind on anything else other than worrying about her."

"So if they're so much in love and so happy, what am I here to do?"

Al checked with the link and grimaced. "Sometime within the next seventy-two hours, Don disappears without a trace."

I stared at Kelly, sleeping without a care in the world. "Does he leave her, or does something happen to him?"

"Don't know. From the way he's carrying on, I don't think he'd leave voluntarily. After he vanished, Kelly showed up at a police station, freaking out. They never could get any information out of her. Called it hysterical amnesia. It seems like she couldn't deal with living without him, and went totally off the deep end. To this day, she's been institutionalized."

I studied the woman before me. "They must be very much in love." I turned back to Al resolutely. "I want to help them."

"Yeah, I figured you would," he said quietly.

Loss wasn't a subject I wanted to deal with, when Al and I had only just gotten started, yet I couldn't help but identify with the deep love Kelly and Don shared. Sometimes it seemed the link between us was so tenuous and fragile I feared it would shatter; other times I knew it was unbreakable.

"Keep your eyes open," Al suggested. "I'll see if I can dig up some more information."

"Guess that means you have to go."

"Guess you'd better get some sleep." He smiled at me.

"True. See you..." I was disappointed he had to leave so soon, but knew we needed more to go on about the leap.

"Soon," Al finished for me, punching the buttons that brought up his doorway. Then just as he was about to leave, he turned back to me. "Oh yeah, I knew there was something I meant to mention before I left."

"What, Al?"

"That I'm head over heels in love with you, too." He closed the door.

XXX

There was a tension running along my nerve endings, the kind that comes from knowing something is going to happen, but not what or when. So all you can do is wait for the unknown to jump out and yell boo.

I awoke around ten to the wonderful smell of breakfast cooking. I threw on a pair of jeans and a work shirt and padded into the kitchen. Kelly was at the stove, frying bacon.

"Good morning," I greeted. _We met last night..._

"It's about time you woke up," Kelly commented, coming over to me. She slipped into my arms and gave me a kiss. "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead." Her bright blue eyes sparkled with amusement.

"I'm awake now," I told her. "And starving."

"I get the hint." She pulled away from me and went back to the cooking. "White or rye toast?"

"Rye." I explored the refrigerator, coming up with a carton of orange juice and hoping Don drank it. Even simple things could require careful thought when you were supposed to be somebody else.

Soon Kelly joined me at the table. She was a good, if unimaginative cook, and we ate in companionable silence. She was one of those people easy to like, and the silence wasn't uncomfortable, so I guessed they were the quiet type. It wasn't surprising, considering how and where they lived. Definitely not party animals.

"There's a wonderful spot about a half mile from here that I'm going to paint today," she informed me as we carried the dishes to the sink. "The colors are muted, and blended so oddly. It's like God's watercolor out there."

"Sounds great." I'd taken a look at the work she had around the house when I got up that morning. When I saw it, I knew a talent like hers came along rarely. She had an insight, a way of looking at the scenes before her that was unique and made her paintings special. She didn't paint what she saw, she painted what she felt from what she was looking at.

"You'll start working on the deck while I'm gone?" It came out as only a half-question. I looked at her blankly. "You promised," she reminded 'Don'.

"Oh, yeah, sure." I didn't know how Don was with a hammer and nails. In fact, I didn't know how Sam was with them either. I guessed I'd find out, as usual, the hard way.

I got Kelly to talk more about her artwork over dishes. It was apparent that she spent much time painting, and that Don very rarely attended. He had his own various projects; unfortunately, most of it seemed to consist of building or fixing various parts of the dump they lived in. I had to admit, if I could provide him with the chance to keep at it, they would have a very nice home eventually.

XXX

By noon she was off with canvas, paint and a picnic lunch, and I was left alone with a hammer, nails, and a tuna sandwich. The middle of the day was not the time to be doing hard labor in the desert. I wondered how he managed. I brought out a pitcher of ice tea with plenty of ice, and took my time. I also figured if I stayed close to home, hopefully, I wouldn't disappear.

Speaking of close to home, I must have spent twenty minutes staring out over the landscape to the west. The familiar dry heat settled around me like an old friend, bringing with it memories of the years I'd spent there. The most important years of my life. Sometimes there were advantages to being Swiss-cheesed It could be a wonderful feeling when some memory came floating sweetly back as fresh and sharp as if it just happened. The feeling of happiness at discovering one more piece of the puzzle was consolation for the pain of the life I wasn't living.

Al showed up while I was still west gazing. His eyes followed mine, knowing what was on my mind. The right place, only nine years too early. I was glad of that. "I don't know if I could do it," I told him quietly. "If I ever leap in too close."

"That's why you won't."

I wished I could share his certainty. "Did you find out anything else?"

"Not much," he reported. "I just figured I'd keep you company."

Keep an eye on me, more like. No matter, it was good to have him there. "What's not much?"

"I called the doctor in charge of Kelly's case at the hospital. He wasn't much help, but he did say she doesn't want to remember what happened."

"So she does know, somewhere inside."

"If they haven't been able to dig it out in all these years, I doubt we'll have any luck. Especially since it's gonna be a devil just to get authorization to access certain files. I've got Beeks working on it, we're hoping they'll let her in to talk with Kelly."

It was a weird feeling, leaping in so close to Project time that Al and the others could actually interact with people close to the situation themselves, instead of relying solely on Ziggy and old records.

"Whatever happened must have been pretty horrible, to make her react like that." I shivered, despite the drops of sweat covering my skin. "You can't pinpoint the time any closer?"

Al didn't look any happier than me. "That's locked up inside her too. All we know is that between the time she called her mother from town last night and the time she showed up at the police station, it happened."

"Maybe I shouldn't have let her go off alone to paint." I looked in the direction Kelly had gone.

"It's not _her_ that disappears," Al told me, very pointedly.

I turned back to my construction, suddenly wanting to change the topic. "Do you know how to build a deck?" I asked hopefully. There was very little Al didn't know.

"Nope."

"Me neither," I said, giving up. I threw down the hammer and sat on a lawn chair. Al squatted next to me. "I guess I'll have to think of an excuse for the little woman. What did you tell your wives when they nagged you about something you didn't get around to?"

"There's only one thing they asked of me, and I never disappointed them," Al replied, grinning smugly. "Why don't you do what you always did?"

"Call a professional?" I responded. He grinned wider. "I don't think Kelly and Don can afford that." I stretched cramped muscles and opened all the buttons on the shirt for some ventilation, slowly wiping at the droplets of sweat on my chest with a fingertip. Al's eyes followed my movements. "I need a vacation," I sighed.

"Me too," Al said, playing along. "Where should we go?"

"Holiday Inn," I said the first thing that popped into my head. Nothing like word association to get in touch with yourself.

Al almost dropped the cigar he was about to light. "Sam Beckett!"

I smiled and shrugged. "Guess it's just the real me coming out," I admitted, watching him put the cigar back into his pocket with careful precise movements.

"The real you is a sleaze."

"That's not true!" I defended myself. "Sleaze is when you have sex for the sake of sex. I'm talking about love here."

"Guess that means you were in love with every woman you ever had sex with," he commented dryly.

"Not any more," I told him, pinning him with my most intense gaze. The temperature seemed to take a sudden hike.

"Then you are a sleaze," he pointed out.

"It's not them I want to vacation in the Holiday Inn with," I continued boldly.

Al rubbed a hand over his face. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Anything you want." Okay, so I was teasing again. What else did we have but words? It was a strange situation and the novelty was too much to resist.

" _Anything_?" Al asked in a silky voice, eyes matching mine for intensity.

Something in the tone made me shiver. I'd heard it before and was captivated by it. Then I knew where. It had been the Master. Now, it was all Al and it was all for me. From the twinkle in his eyes, I knew he'd caught on and was deliberately turning the tables. First lesson to myself: never forget who I was dealing with. I wondered if he knew how powerful a weapon he had.

"Cold?" he inquired in that same tone, though he knew very well I wasn't.

Suddenly reaching my teasing limit, I jumped up to put some 'space' between us. Of course, the real problem was too much space. I could feel his eyes on my back as I busied myself pouring another glass of ice tea. Or maybe it wasn't my back they were on...

I gulped some tea down. "Maybe if I started by making a frame for the deck..." I tried to get onto safer subjects and ignore my racing pulse.

"Sam."

I froze from the at-once commanding and sensual voice. No need to worry about that pulse, I didn't have one any more. But I remembered to breathe and obeyed, turning to him. So much for innocent teasing.

His gaze lowered, and my body reacted as if he'd stroked me with more than just his eyes.

"I think we'd better go inside," he finished.

Someone once said 'be careful what you wish for'. We know it's true, but somehow that never stops us. I wanted to know how I'd react to Al in that context and I was about to find out. I followed him into the shade-dimmed bedroom without protest. Once there however, suffering from shyness and uncertainty, I drew breath to voice it. One look at his face and the words died on my lips. All the love I saw there threatened to drown me. I felt my eyes filling. "Al..."

"Shh," he soothed. "It's okay."

The honeyed tone of his voice was promising to be as deadly as touches for me. The discomfort I felt at first was swiftly being replaced with a more urgent feeling.

"Would you undress for me if I asked you?" How could he sound so unsure of himself, yet so in control at the same time? It was there in his voice and on his face. And it was driving me crazy.

A part of me, distant, was amazed by what was happening, even as the other part of me did as I was told and started removing my clothes. I sat down on the bed and discarded my shirt. My hands shook as I tossed it aside.

"I don't know whether I'd like to stop that shaking, or cause more," he confided in a breathless voice, watching me struggle with the zipper on my jeans. "Guess it depends on what the cause is. Are you scared?"

The question made me examine my reactions more closely, and honestly. His interpretation wasn't really accurate, not the way he meant it. For answer, I skimmed out of the pants, leaving only a pair of briefs. "Only in a very pleasant way."

Al didn't expect that response. "I am," he said, taking a step backwards.

"Then why are you doing this?" I moaned, aching from the lack of physical contact. I clutched a pillow and rolled over towards the wall. It was a small comfort, even though I knew I couldn't hide from him. And neither of us could hide from what was between us, demanding to be born into reality.

"Because you're too distracted and it worries me," he admitted. "You need to get rid of some of that excess 'energy'. Besides, I figure the more you do different from Don, the better the chances of avoiding trouble."

Well, I wanted honesty. Except I wasn't getting enough of it. "That's the only reason?" I challenged. "For me? You've said you love me, but I don't know--you've never said--"

"Yes, I want you. Yes, you turn me on," he said, voice now rough.

I turned over toward Al again. He was sitting on the floor of the imaging chamber; to me, it was as if he was on the bed beside me. "Well, if you didn't wear such baggy pants all the time, a person wouldn't have to guess," I couldn't stop myself from mumbling, remembering how easily he'd read my body language outside.

"Why do you think I wear the baggy pants?" he teased.

I threw the pillow I'd been holding through him. Then, eyes holding his, I slowly slipped out of the briefs. It took all the strength I had to keep eye contact, but he didn't have to know I was acting bolder than I felt. It worked, he hadn't been expecting that move either and I could tell it threw him. I had a feeling we were going to enjoy doing that to each other.

My body reacted to his eyes again, only this time there was nothing to leave to the imagination. Another wave of shyness washed over me. It might not have been so bad if were able to touch, one kiss could have put me at ease. But this way, on display, I was forced to throw open all the doors at once.

"You're beautiful," Al whispered.

I closed my eyes, holding in the tears. It seemed I was getting as tear-prone as Al.

"Ah, Sam..." he sighed. I had the feeling I was going to be treated to a rare moment of seeing a part of him few ever did. "Do you know how much I love you? If I could hold you, just once. Make you feel what real love feels like. Tell you with my body how much I love you, then you'd know."

I was concentrating on the sound of his voice. It captured me, taking me along with the images it created. Soft, like kisses full of love. He was with me and I could feel those kisses in his voice, hear the words as his touch. There was a time when what was now air had been substantial, if inadequate. Calling from that long ago reality, if I tried real hard, I could remember the touch of my best friend. And I knew why, before now, I hadn't wanted to remember.

"Let me take you with me to a place where only love can survive. Come with me, Sam."

Could I turn down such a request? Al had given me support and love and encouragement all those years. I knew there would be a price for the brief moment of togetherness, but I desperately wanted to give him some pleasure. There'd been too much pain for him the last four years. In the heat of the moment, it was a glorious idea, and I was hard and aching. Unable to hold back any longer, I took matters in hand. In my mind, it was Al's hand which caressed my willing flesh.

I met his eyes. He swallowed hard, staring as if mesmerized.

"Like what you see?" I tried to purr seductively. It probably came out small and shaky.

"Oh God, yeah..."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," I promised. "But this is for both of us." I stared meaningfully at his clothes. The man wore way too much clothing.

"For God's sake, Sam, I'm in the Imaging Chamber!"

"I hope no one is monitoring," I said with a wicked smile. "But if that's the way you feel--" I reached for my discarded jeans.

With a growl, Al began pulling off his own clothes. I watched his hesitant movements. Considering the amount of sexuality he could exude when he chose despite all the clothes, I decided maybe it was just as well he didn't run around in any less.

He was a man sure of his power over women, but I could tell by the slight nervousness, he wasn't quite so self-assured where I was concerned. I was touched, but figured I'd better enjoy it while it lasted. As soon as he discovered the truth, I didn't have a prayer in hell...on the other hand, he'd already told me of my power over him, so _he_ was already in big trouble...

When the last of the clothing had disappeared, I smiled in victory. "Let's give 'em something to talk about."

"If I could get my hands on you--" he warned.

"What would you do?" I asked softly.

Al's eyes roamed over my body, leaving it tingling in their wake. What the man could do with his eyes and voice alone was indecent. The thought of what that meant about his touches sent a powerful burst of pleasure through me.

"Kiss you all over, until you were begging for more."

A moan slipped past my lips. Watching his body respond, to me, turned my mind inside out. He stroked himself and I matched my tempo to his. Rational thought fled. All I wanted to do was listen to that voice work its magic.

"It's strange, but I can feel your body as if you're inside of me. I can feel you breathing, feel what you feel. When I see your body responding, I can feel it in mine."

The waves of pleasure kept washing over me, ever higher with each crest. "That's not so strange. We are a part of each other now, Al." I made it a vow.

"You're driving me crazy!" he groaned.

I knew what he was talking about. I'd already found out some of the odd by-products of the bond we'd forged while quantum leaping, but this was by far the strangest. I might not be able to physically feel his touches, but I could feel his responses. "Feel my body pressed against yours, Al," I whispered.

"Oh baby," he moaned.

An overwhelming urge to bring him as much pleasure, more than he could stand, seized me. "So close, you can't tell who's who. I'm making you feel so good, so loved, you want to scream. Feel my wet tongue tracing a path down your warm skin. You feel my teeth at your throat, not hard enough to draw blood, just enough to know I want you."

His body shook with desire, a need that I'd caused and only I could fulfill.

I kept up the words of desire. "I move to your chest and the tip of my tongue flicks over your nipples, moving slowly down your stomach until I get to your--"

Al's groan of release interrupted me. The look on his face was devastating, and glancing down at the result of my words finished me off. The world turned upside-down and inside out and I joined him over the edge, crying his name.

When we finally came back to earth, we smiled at each other warmly, if a little shyly. His eyes were glowing from deep within in a way I'd never seen before. And I knew I wanted to give him much more than just sexual pleasure.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," I told him. "Do you think I could be the one to...I want to make you happy, Al," I finished simply.

His eyes overflowed at my words. "Nobody could make me happier than you, Sammy. Oh, Sam," he sighed. It was a benediction, a caress.

In a simultaneous move we both leaned forward, giving the air where the image of our lips met a chaste kiss.

We ended up heaving deep breaths at the same time too, and laughed together, easing some of the spell which held us.

He cleared his throat. "Feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you," I answered in the primmest voice I could affect, making him chuckle.

Al began pulling on his clothes, giving me an apologetic shrug. "It would look pretty weird should Gooshie walk in."

"You mean you didn't put out the Do Not Disturb sign?!" I tried to sound shocked and indignant, but spoiled it by laughing. I was still flying pretty high.

His forehead wrinkled in thought. "I'll have to get one of those..."

"Oh God," I moaned.

The sound of someone moving around outside signaled the end of our time. "I'd better get dressed too, it sounds like Kelly is back. No afterglow today, huh?" I remarked, wishing we could at least spend a few quiet moments talking.

Al's devilish grin warned me to brace myself for his next words. "Baby, every day with you is afterglow."

I was absurdly touched.

I'd dressed and reasonably pulled myself together, but there was still no further sign of Kelly. I looked at Al, lounging there, disgustingly self-satisfied. Had he been really there, I would have grabbed him, thrown him down on the bed and fixed that. Since it wasn't an option, I settled for proving I could now concern myself with the leap. "That's funny, I could've sworn I heard Kelly come back."

"Maybe she's still outside."

There was no sign of her in the living room or kitchen. I went out the back door, checking around the outside of the house. Nothing but empty silence. I was just about to turn back and head inside...

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain that drove the air from my lungs and forced me to my knees. The world took a sickening lurch. I wrapped protective arms around my thigh, as a dark red stain spread over my jeans, and pain lanced into me. The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground, looking up at Kelly and the bloody butcher knife in her hand. It was hard to concentrate, things were fuzzy. I fought to hold onto consciousness. Somewhere in the background of the loud roaring in my ears, I heard Al's frightened voice.

"Oh my God...it was _her_."

**end of part one**


	2. Chapter 2

**AL** :

For an eternal moment, all I could do was stare at the knife, dripping crimson into the dirt. Sam's blood. I shuddered, snapping out of my trance to run to his side. He was conscious. I reached for him before I could stop myself.

"Sam, talk to me!" I demanded, fighting down the panic which was rising as inevitably as the passion had earlier.

"What happened?" he mumbled distantly.

Then I remembered Kelly and my blood turned to ice. I faced her. She was still standing over him, strange glint in her eyes. Then, to my horror, she started to advance again.

"I told Kelly you were no good," she growled in an eerie guttural voice. It almost sounded like someone else's. "She wouldn't listen. I knew you'd show your true colors."

"No, please, don't do this..." Sam managed to rasp, trying to inch backwards away from her.

"Oh, no," I echoed. "Kelly, put down the knife!" There was no response, but I had to get one. "Kelly, put down the knife! " I yelled as commandingly as I knew how. She had to hear me, I had to get through to her. " _Stop_!"

She hesitated.

"That's right. Put it down."

She looked straight at me.

I finally had her attention, so I pressed my advantage. "That's right." I tried to sound soothing, even though all I wanted to do was kill her. If I wasn't a hologram, I might have. "You don't want to do that. Don loves you."

"Obviously from what I've seen, Don doesn't even love Kelly, much less me. He never liked me, he tried to pretend I didn't exist!"

"I can understand how that would make you angry," I agreed, assessing the situation. It had to be multiple personality disorder. We should have had access to that information, but clearly the hospital had been keeping important things from us. "I'm Al. What's your name?" My gaze darted nervously between her and Sam. He wasn't looking good at all.

"Sally. I'm Sally."

"You're very pretty, Sally," I crooned. I thought of the loony bitch back at the state hospital. If she killed Sam... I kept reminding myself she wasn't responsible for her actions. I tried to clamp down on my fear and rage; I didn't dare give her a hint of what I was really thinking. "Do you care about Kelly?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then put it down. Don't kill what she loves. If you do, she'll end up hating you. You'll be destroying both of you. Do you want to do that?" I held my breath for her answer.

My panic eased slightly as the knife dropped to the ground.

"Sam baby, can you pick up the knife?" I watched as he reached out toward it. I didn't like the amount of blood I saw staining through his pants at all. Somehow, I had to get him medical attention.

"Don--oh my God!" Kelly's scream cut through our concentration. She fell to her knees, trying to gather him to her. "My darling...what happened? Who did this to you?"

Poor Sam looked so confused. "Get help...please, Kelly," he got out, between teeth gritted against the pain.

"But I can't leave you!" she insisted, her panic slowly growing out of control.

"You have to go for help!" I yelled. My luck didn't hold out, though; it seemed Sally could hear me but Kelly couldn't.

"I could take you with me," Kelly suggested.

"No!" I shouted.

Sam put a hand on her arm. "No. You go and bring back help. It would be too dangerous to try and move me."

Especially since it would leave him at her mercy the whole time.

"But, Don..."

"Get help, _go_!" he yelled as forcefully as he was able.

With one last frightened look, Kelly jumped into the car and sped off in a squeal of tires.

After she was out of sight, I looked up at the cloudless desert sky. "You've never failed me before, you can't this time. Please let her stay sane long enough to get him help."

I did some fast button pushing, and just barely resisted the urge to smash the handlink into a million pieces. The information Ziggy had for me wasn't what I wanted to hear. It wasn't much of anything.

Would Kelly make it into town and back with help, or would Sally take over again? The odds were almost even. Then if she did get into town, there was a chance she wouldn't be able to remember what had happened. If Sally took over, she might come back to finish the job...I wasn't interested in any of the numbers Ziggy was spouting at me, it was all computer gibberish. Reality was Sam, slipping away from me before my eyes.

The bleeding had to be stopped, we all agreed on that. What I wanted to know, would she get back in time? Ziggy wasn't giving any odds on that yet and refused to be rushed into a prediction.

I fell to my knees in front him. "Sam?" I whispered hesitantly. He gazed up at me with pain and fear in his eyes. The look alone nearly killed me. "How are you doing, kid?"

"This...isn't good, Al. Don't know if I'm gonna get out of this one."

His defeated tone registered with a jolt. It wasn't like him, and that terrified me more than anything else. "You're not going to die--Sam, do you hear me? Don't you dare die on me! Sam, no!"

"Al, you've gotten me to do many amazing things just by ordering me, but I'm afraid this isn't one of them."

"You've gotta try and stop the bleeding."

Sam nodded in agreement, and I watched as he struggled with his shirt. He finally got it off, wadded up and pressed as best he could against the wound, but it had depleted his meager strength dearly.

As usual, he was trying his best to do what I asked of him. Even without any medical knowledge at all, he would have listened without question. The faith he had in me was unshakable in any situation. Even though I'd used that to my own advantage a couple of times.

Even though I'd been wrong before.

The most wrong of all, when I couldn't accept my real feelings for him. I didn't realize it at the time, but when I hid behind archaic prejudice against gays in the military, it was to avoid looking in the mirror too closely myself. All the time I wasted, taking so long to open my eyes! Now, the regret was more than I could bear, as I faced the prospect of losing the only thing that mattered in my life...

The one Upstairs might fail me, but I was not going to fail Sam.

"What does Ziggy say about this?" he asked.

"Fifty-fifty on Kelly coming back, but that's better than a lot of the odds we've had."

"I mean about me, Al," he said in a tone that demanded honesty.

"I'm waiting for him to do the computations. Hang in there," I finished lamely. "Just hang on." The only thing I could do was wait. Dazed, like a bad dream, or a movie I found myself playing a role in. It didn't feel real.

I provided as much comfort as I could by getting as close as possible without passing through him. He was pale, his breathing shallow. The blood was soaking through the shirt and I could tell he didn't have the strength required to keep enough pressure on his wound.

He was going into shock.

My mind insisted on supplying the rest of the data. Shock is a life-threatening condition requiring immediate attention, often more serious than the injury itself. And it was getting dark. We were in the desert; that meant a dangerous drop in temperature. It was the worst waiting I ever did in my life. I'd rather have been in the cage in 'Nam again.

Finally the link in my hand beeped and I looked down at it slowly. I felt my face transform into a stone mask, unreadable, though how I actually pulled it off, I had no idea. The information in front of me condemned us both.

"Do I make it?" a weak, hopeful voice asked me.

_Oh God..._ I wanted to throw up, but instead had to try and smile. It wasn't going to work, the grotesque attempt would have alerted him of the lie. "Of course you do." Another desperate plea: let him be too out of it to read me like he usually could. I didn't know what I looked like, nor did I want to. It had to be the worst performance of my life.

A plan formed, popped into my head as if it had always been there waiting. I looked at him, torn. It was the only way. I didn't want to leave him for any amount of time, but his only chance was for me to do just that.

"Sam, think I figured out a way I can help you, but I gotta go set it up, okay?"

He reached out a hand, it hung suspended in mid-air until it fell weakly at his side again. The fear in his eyes grew brighter, but he managed a faint smile for me. "Is it a good plan?"

"I can actually say it's the best idea I've ever had," I assured him.

"Then go."

The trust in his eyes almost brought tears to mine. Did I say almost? I hadn't realized I'd been crying the whole time until I wiped at the new flood. I didn't know if my plan would work. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again, once I walked through that door. And he wanted me at his side, but was willing to trust me one last time.

"I'll be back before you know it, Sam."

"You'd better be," he tried to sound stern. "Because I don't want to...I want you here if I...die."

"No!" I yelled more loudly than I meant to. "I'm not leaving until you promise me that you'll hang on until I get back."

"How can I--"

"I mean it, Sam. I want your promise. Now!"

"I...promise."

"Okay." Satisfied I'd given him as much will to hold on that I could, I brought the link up.

"Al?"

I paused on the threshold. "Yeah?"

"Nothing can destroy our love," he paused meaningfully. " _Nothing_."

"I know," I told him. And I did.

I pushed the last button.

XXX

Once on the other side, I must have seemed like a man possessed. I barely registered the chaos around me as I ran from the Imaging Chamber to Ziggy, punching in codes as soon as my fingers could reach. One last card up my sleeve. I played it, hoping to hell it was an ace.

There were flies buzzing around me, and every now and then I had to swat one away. Gooshie, Tina, Verbena, Theresa, and a hat I identified as Weitzman.

Ziggy was making protests.

"I don't care that there isn't an aura to leap into, dammit!" I yelled at him. "I wont let Sam die!"

"Al, you're not thinking--" One of the flies buzzed.

"Talk to me!" another pleaded.

I was too busy arguing with Ziggy to pay them any attention. "All right, then I'll trade places with Sam!"

"Al, no!"

I punched in one final code and ran for the Accelerator. Behind me I could hear Theresa wishing me luck. And the flies.

"Stop this!" the hat demanded of someone.

Must have been Gooshie, because he answered. "I can't, only Al or Sam can break the lock now!"

"What do you mean you can't, you're the programmer!" There was a pause in the commotion, one filled with belated realization. Then: "Stop him!"

Very belated. I paused before the Accelerator door long enough to look up. I had only the vaguest idea of what I was doing, where I'd end up. _If_ I'd end up. That wasn't up to me. "Well, the ball's in your court now," I said to the heavens. For the first time in my life, I was leaving our fate totally and completely in Higher hands.

I stepped inside.

XXX

The next thing I knew I was standing in the desert about ten feet from Don's shack. I put out a hand to steady myself -- right into a cactus. I yelped in pain and yanked my hand away, staring at the small pin-pricks of red. A very effective way to let me know...

_It worked!_

I tore across the distance between us, sliding to a halt on my knees beside Sam. His breathing was shallow, but it was there. He was still alive.

He smiled when he saw me, the implications of my presence not registering yet. "You made it back in time."

"You bet." I wasted no time in ripping off my shirt to use as a compress. I checked the wound and put it in place. Now that he was getting the attention he needed, his chances were great. It's scary how the simplest things can be life threatening under the right circumstances.

I raised him up slightly, propping him against my body, and patiently waited for him to realize we were touching. Despite the serious situation, I couldn't help but soak up the feel of his solid form against me. Even with what happened between us earlier that day, until the actual physical contact, the sense of had long it had been didn't hit me. A person can get used to just about anything, whether they like it or not, given enough time. I could get used to this, real quick.

"Sam, what's wrong with this picture?" I finally chided gently, brushing the hair back from his forehead.

His brows knit together, eyes narrowed, some of the alertness coming back into them. "Al? You can touch me?"

"Yeah, how about that!" I kept my tone light and soft.

"Am I dead?"

I felt the wetness in my eyes close to the surface. "No, you're not dead. You're not gonna die." This time I could tell him and believe it myself.

"I'm so tired..."

"Yeah, but you can't go to sleep. C'mon, open those baby browns for me." I continued a soothing petting.

"I know, gotta keep me awake so I won't slip into a coma. That's what they always say on the TV..." he mumbled groggily,

"You're gonna be fine," I repeated.

He reached up a finger to trace a line of tears on my face that snuck up on me again when I wasn't looking. "How come I can touch you?" he asked in the confused voice of a little boy.

Stalling for time, I didn't answer right away. I grabbed the hand, pressing a kiss into his palm.

"Did you leap?"

"Well...yeah. Figured you could use a hand." _Literally_ , I thought, as I checked the wound. To my relief, the bleeding had almost stopped.

"Will you leap out when I'm okay, or be stuck here?" Sam asked with concern.

I shrugged. It was the last thing I was worried about. "I'd say the odds are pretty good I'll leap back after you're safe."

He continued to pursue the topic. "You were sure _I_ would, too..."

"It doesn't matter!" I almost yelled at him. I calmed myself. "Listen, Whoever's running things let me come here for one reason, to save you."

"Al..." he stared up at me intently.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Kiss me."

I swallowed, knowing the reason behind his question. I wanted a chance to feel his kiss as well. I bent close, taking in every nuance of his face until we were almost touching. Then I closed my eyes, covering his lips with my own gently. It was a new, wonderful sensation. Sweet--God, I'd never felt anything near as wonderful as Sam's lips. I couldn't help returning again, clinging to them briefly before we parted.

We gazed at each other a long time before either of us could speak.

Sam smiled at me. "Not bad," he commented with a smile in his eyes as well.

"Not bad?" I was outraged, especially since I felt so giddily happy that the tears had started again. "I'll have you know my kisses got rave reviews from every woman who ever had the pleasure!"

"You'll have to convince me, when I get back home." Even injured and in shock, he managed to tease seductively. "Repeatedly."

"I love you, Sam," I said, trying to put more feeling into the words than any other time I'd said them. Those three words were definitely the most important ones in the world, and there weren't too many ways to say them. Except repeatedly. "I--love--you."

Sam sighed contentedly, but when I brushed at his hair again, I noticed he was getting chilled. Now that the bleeding was under control, I wanted to get him out of the elements.

"Think it'd be okay to get you inside?"

"Sounds good," he agreed, shivering.

I got him up onto his good leg and supported most of his weight as we made our slow journey into the house. Once he was settled onto the bed and I was certain the bleeding hadn't started again, I turned away to find a blanket.

A hand reached out to grab mine. "Stay with me, Al," Sam's weak voice pleaded.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here," I assured him. I went to the closet and pulled out a blanket.

I covered him, then did some investigating. Sam's eyes followed my every move intently. I was looking for the gun I was pretty sure I'd find somewhere. People who live in the desert usually keep protection in the house. I found it on the second try, in Don's underwear drawer beneath his briefs.

I sat down on the bed next to Sam, checking the gun for bullets.

His eyes widened when he saw what I held. "What's that for?"

"Protection," I said simply. We both I knew why. I wasn't taking any chances should Kelly, Sally come back. I hoped there weren't any other personalities to deal with. I set the gun within reach on the table next to me. "How you doing?"

"I'm cold," he complained.

I eyed him with concern. "You've got a blanket over you, you shouldn't be." The color was coming back into his face, and he seemed more alert. I began to check his pulse.

Sam averted his gaze. "I just wanted you to hold me," he admitted in a shy voice, so low I barely made it out.

"You don't ever have to be afraid to ask that." I slid closer, putting my arms around him. To be able to be a comforting physical presence for him again was glorious.

A surprisingly strong grip pulled me even closer. He sighed and snuggled against my chest. "This is nice. Do you know how many times I wanted to be able to cry on your shoulder, or hide from the world in you arms? I couldn't."

"But you made it on your own," I pointed out.

"No." He shook his head. "I made it because you were with me."

There didn't seen to be anything to say to that. My biggest mistake with my marriages was not waiting long enough to be sure. Yet it had taken me over fifteen years to get where I was, right where I wanted to be, then and forever. With Sam was where you'd find me, as a friend, and, hopefully, so much more. And we hadn't even had sex yet. What a kick in the butt...

"What's our plan?" Sam inquired, as I stroked his hair in a gesture meant to comfort us both.

"We'll wait till morning, see if Kelly brings someone back by then."

"If she doesn't?" Sam pressed, lacing his fingers with mine.

"Then...we'll think of another plan."

We relaxed into the peaceful companionship to wait out the night. I purposefully put off thinking about morning, choosing instead to put my faith in the crazy broad. If she didn't come through, I'd have to find a way to get him medical attention myself. The vague ideas that flitted through my mind didn't please me. Most of them involved leaving him alone. I cursed Don for not having a phone.

"No Ziggy, huh? Gotta do this on our own. Not that it would be the first time..." Sam snorted.

"If you noticed, he hasn't been swift on the uptake in this leap, either," I told him. "He's preoccupied these days, I'm afraid."

"With what?" Sam asked, bewildered.

"Well...see, he...Ziggy became a Pagan."

"What??" Sam raised up as far as he was able, to give me a stunned look.

"It's my fault," I admitted. "After everything that happened a few leaps ago, I got curious. So I used him to run some information. You know him, he gets involved sometimes. Next thing I knew--"

"You're kidding?"

"He's organized a coven with twelve other computers." Sam looked at me as if I was seriously pulling his leg. "It's not a total loss, he's got a girlfriend. Her name is Gaia. You think he's a lulu, now there's a strange computer."

"Al."

"Yeah?"

"Cut it out. It hurts too much when I laugh."

"You think it's funny now," I informed him. "You won't when you get home and have to deal with him."

"What else has been going on back home?" he asked wistfully.

"Not much..." I weighed all the variables in my head. The future was a big unknown, for both of us. Just in case, I didn't want there to be anything left unsaid, that maybe I'd regret. I decided to be direct. "Donna left."

Sam stared at me. "What do you mean, Donna left? I thought...I thought she married Chester? Didn't I change that?” he asked confusedly, obviously sifting through his Swiss-cheesed mind for the information.

"She did, but they divorced. Remember at the wedding, when I started to tell you the results? You leaped out. That's what I was trying to tell you." I rushed on, wanting to get it out before my courage failed. I was feeling like shit for being involved in another secret, and scared he'd stop trusting me. "I never got the chance and then there was another leap and you never asked...I figured, why bother telling you? It didn't seen to matter, gone is gone, no matter how."

"When did she leave?"

I braced myself with a deep breath. "Right before you leaped into Chester's friend." At his shocked look, I rambled on. "You were so set on helping her find happiness, and at that point I couldn't have agreed with you more. And that was before our 'discussion' about honesty. I mean, I'm not trying to defend myself, but you put enough on my mind to think about, without dealing with her, too."

"Al..."

"I wanted to help her too. I felt...responsible. But it didn't work, she married you anyway. And left anyway. She told me she couldn't wait for you anymore, she needed to make a life for herself--"

Sam cut my tirade off by pulling my head down to his and kissing me. It wasn't exactly the reaction I expected, but I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

When we parted, I cupped his cheek in my hand. "I'm sorry," I said earnestly. "How can you keep right on trusting me?" I hadn't meant to voice my fears, but it came out anyway.

Sam smiled at, expression full of love. "Because I know that you love me so much, you'd do _anything_ for me. Even lie to me, risk our relationship. How could I not trust you? Nobody on earth ever went to the extreme lengths you do for me. I'm not saying I like it, I'm not giving you permission to continue, I'm just saying..."

"That I love you too much," I finished for him.

"I'd be a fool to complain. And I have no doubt that there was a reason I couldn't get Donna to stay away from me, even if we never find out what it is. It's okay, Al." He hugged me.

"I haven't kept anything from you since then," I added. "Not even--"

"How you felt about me." Sam turned his head slightly, to place a kiss on my neck. "I guess you'd better find me a good divorce lawyer."

"Sam," I began, suddenly bent on self-destruction. Wondering if I was really doing what was best for him, or myself.

"What?" he asked, the look in his eyes daring me to say something stupid so he could reprimand me.

I was doing it again, trying to judge what was best for him without letting him do it himself. And what the hell was I protecting him from this time? Myself? Did I really believe he needed protecting from me? "...my fourth or fifth divorce, I had this shrewd shark. I'll give him a call..."

"Good." Sam settled against me more comfortably, closing his eyes.

"You can get some sleep if you want," I told him.

"Are you crazy?" he replied. His hand slid up to my neck. "I just want to lie here and pretend I never have to let you go."

I rubbed his shoulder gently. I knew what Sam meant. After being a hologram for so many years, I couldn't get enough of the simple touches most people take for granted.

I searched around for another topic for conversation. Not that I wasn't comfortable with the silence, but the distraction was keeping Sam's mind off of the pain. I was just about to start relating my last trip to Vegas, when the unmistakable flash of red siren lights shone through the window onto the wall.

"I'll be dammed," I exclaimed, going over to the window. "She actually came through." As we waited for them, I settled on a more respectable seat in the chair beside the bed.

Sam looked more than a bit apprehensive. He held out his hand and I took it, holding on tightly. I knew what he was afraid of. Now that he was safe, my job there was almost over.

Moments later they came piling inside, Kelly in the lead. Behind her were two Paramedics and a sheriff. She skidded to a halt by the foot of the bed.

"There you are! When we got here and you weren't outside..." She noticed I was there, but there was only puzzlement in her expression, no recognition.

The paramedics came over to check Sam out, but they had to work around the grip he refused to relinquish on my hand.

The sheriff stepped forward. "You're Don Sanders?" Sam nodded. He turned his gaze to me. "And you?"

"He's my friend," Sam supplied quickly. "He stopped by to visit, and found me."

"Looks like a knife wound to me," one of the men said.

The sheriff's eyes narrowed, and he regarded all three of us suspiciously, his cop instincts on alert. "Is that true, were you stabbed?"

"Yes."

"Who did it?"

Sam hesitated only briefly, eyes locking with mine. Then he glanced at Kelly. "...my wife."

The cop's hand was instantly on her arm.

Kelly's eyes got big as she stared at her husband. "How could you say I--that I could hurt my own--" she turned to the cop. "He must be delirious, or something. I swear, I didn't do it!" Confused tears were forming in her eyes.

Sam's eyes reacted in compassion that I wished I could feel too. "She's right, sort of. Sally did it. She has multiple personality disorder."

"No..." Kelly shook her head violently.

"Take good care of her," Sam implored them. "She needs to get the help I should have gotten her long ago. I guess I thought I could control it myself."

The sheriff nodded and started to lead Kelly away. "Mrs. Sanders, you have to come with me." He turned to Sam. "You'll need to file a complaint after you're fixed up."

"How could you?!" she screamed at him. "Why are you lying like this?" The struggling woman was led out of the room.

"You're going to have to let go now," one of the men said to Sam gently. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"Only if he comes with me," Sam insisted.

"If you don't behave and let these guys do their job, I'll personally kick your butt all the way there myself! And I'm fully equipped to do it this time," I pointed out, wiggling one of his fingers for emphasis.

Sam's eyes never left me as they loaded him into the ambulance, making sure I wasn't far. Once inside and on our way, he grabbed my hand again, as if that alone could keep me with him.

The duration of the trip to the hospital I waited, wondering when I'd leap and if I'd be able to tell when it was coming.

**SAM** :

When I opened my eyes, I felt sore all over. Which was about all I knew. Soon the disorientation and confusion from regaining consciousness faded. I was in a hospital room. And there was something warm pressing against me. I looked over to see Al sitting at my bedside, asleep, head pillowed on my arm.

A warmth welled up inside me. I didn't know what was going on, but to have Al with me, I'd happily spend the rest of my life as Don. In fact, I looked on my stab wound as one of the best things that ever happened to me, well worth it. I was content to just lay there and watch him sleep, all the while aware of the very solid pressure on my arm. The worry had disappeared from his expression, making him seem somehow innocent and vulnerable. I wished he could have the same peace while awake that showed on his face while sleeping.

Eventually, I couldn't resist caressing his cheek with the back of my hand.

Al stirred, raising his head and smiling at me. "Hi sweetie," he whispered.

"You're still here..."

It was a rhetorical question, but for answer he bent forward to place a delicate kiss on my mouth.

Al started to pull away, but I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed hold of his shirt and brought our lips together again for a more thorough kiss.

"Hey," he admonished when I finally released him. "You're hurt."

"Is it fatal?" I asked with a grin.

Al smiled back. "You're gonna be fine. There was no serious damage, it looked worse than it was. The important thing was getting you treatment for the shock."

"So what's your problem?" I questioned, trailing a finger lightly over the skin the v-neck of his borrowed shirt revealed. "We can't afford to let opportunities like this slip away."

"Are you making a lewd suggestion, Sam? You know I'm not that kind of a boy!" he teased.

"Yeah, you're a read prude, Al. Why don't you go and jam the chair against the door?" I pleaded. I didn't know how much time we had left, and I wanted to make the most of it.

"No way," Al responded, looking like he hated saying it. "Sex with us is dangerous enough when we're both in perfect health...and holograms to each other," he added.

"Maybe that's why we haven't leaped," I tried. "Unfinished business."

Al smiled smugly. "Then we'll stay here together forever."

_If only we could..._ "Could you spend forever within touch and not make love to me?" I whispered.

Al shook his head, lips claiming mine again. I opened my mouth invitingly, feeling a wonderful sensation down below as his tongue made a tentative greeting.

Al pulled away abruptly, sighing. "The only place on earth I want to be is wherever you are, whatever the circumstance," he admitted. He slid his arms around my neck and leaned in close again.

"Shut up and kiss me," I demanded.

He did. Which was just as well, because it distracted us enough that when the leaping began our only reaction was to hold each other tighter.

Until there was nothing to hold.

_I could walk through fire, I could feel it burning I would walk through fire, to get back to you And if the flames get higher, you know I'll get stronger Baby I could walk through fire..._

\--Walk Through Fire, by Bad Company, written by Howe, Thomas

**the end**

11-06-91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who may ask -- why did I get rid of Donna only to bring her back...all I can say is, there's always a method to my madness... Stay tuned and all will become clear. And on the subject of Ziggy: It was a he for four seasons, and as far as I'm concerned, will continue to remain a--very confused -- he.


End file.
